Cheering472
SoWal Insider
I am so sorry Ladyd. My prayers are with you all.
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Baby to be!
- Thread starter Lady D
- Start date
Cork On the Ocean
directionally challenged
SEnding lots of love to you Lady 
. It's so tender right now, hopefully they will change their minds and try again. My sister had 3 miscarriages and one stillborn (which she went wacky over for a while), then poof! She quit smoking and became a baby making machine 3 times right in a row. We started calling her Lady Madonna. Time heals all wounds. Just throw them all your love and support and good things will come back. All my best to you.
. It's so tender right now, hopefully they will change their minds and try again. My sister had 3 miscarriages and one stillborn (which she went wacky over for a while), then poof! She quit smoking and became a baby making machine 3 times right in a row. We started calling her Lady Madonna. Time heals all wounds. Just throw them all your love and support and good things will come back. All my best to you.
Lady D
SoWal Insider
Well, unfortunately, what had to be done today was done. Appointment was at 10:00. And of course, there was the waiting. Received a call from my son at work around 12:30 saying she was recovering and sleeping. Apparently they totally put her to sleep. Took about 15 minutes he said but I would think it would have taken a little longer. They didn't get home until around 4:00 p.m.! They took some blood then ended up giving her a shot that is a shot against rejecting a fetus. Something to do with blood type incompatibility. Her blood type is positive and if the blood type of the baby is negative, that can be a problem. Turns out her aunt on her mom's side had a blood type incompatibility which caused her to have a miscarriage. I too had the blood type incompatibility between myself and my son. I had to receive that shot after having him. Anytime DIL is pregnant now, she will have to have that shot! Too bad she didn't think of this earlier in the pregnancy so she could have gotten this shot with the one just lost. Might have made a difference in the outcome.
Beach Runner
beats on hood
How unfortunate (regarding the test that might have given a different outcome)! 
I forgot about having that test. They tested me for all kinds of weird stuff, like if I was allergic to my husband's sperm or if I had an immune disorder like lupus or if I had a blood clotting disorder that would prevent the embryo from attaching itself properly to the uterus, as well as a kajillion other tests. Someone suggested that I write a book because of all of the hoops I went through to try to have babies, and I wish I had because now I have forgotten a lot of that stuff.
My mother got so stressed out during all of this that she got Bell's palsy due to the stress. Her face was paralyzed for about six months.
I forgot about having that test. They tested me for all kinds of weird stuff, like if I was allergic to my husband's sperm or if I had an immune disorder like lupus or if I had a blood clotting disorder that would prevent the embryo from attaching itself properly to the uterus, as well as a kajillion other tests. Someone suggested that I write a book because of all of the hoops I went through to try to have babies, and I wish I had because now I have forgotten a lot of that stuff. My mother got so stressed out during all of this that she got Bell's palsy due to the stress. Her face was paralyzed for about six months.
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Lady D
SoWal Insider
Don't know for sure, but that is one of a number of possibilities. Too much stress they said could be another factor. I know for a fact she stays stressed out and irritable and angry too much! And if that was the cause, she needs to learn how to control her stress and anger. Two weeks ago I went and picked her up from work one night as she was doubled over in pain in the offices of the store she works in, and my son couldn't leave to go get her. She went to her ob/gyn the next morning to be checked out! However, they did not do any ultrasound or anything my son was aware of! I am wondering now if that is when this horrid event occurred. They both claim it was her gallbladder giving her problems. And unless they test what they removed the exact cause will never be known. I do not know if they can even test what they removed!
TooFarTampa
SoWal Insider
Lady D I know you are upset, but please don't let your daughter in law think you are blaming her. You mention that "too bad she didn't have the shot earlier in the pregnancy," but the average mom-to-be doesn't know a thing about Rh incompatibility, nor should she be expected to. Also, if her blood type is positive, why would she think the baby's might be negative? Usually the concern is when the mother's type is negative.
The shot they gave her *may* have been because they were concerned that because of the loss, she now has antibodies in her blood that could be a risk for a future pregnancy. I can tell you it happens because I have some hemoglobin antibodies (from an earlier pregnancy where the blood got mixed together) that have required me to be monitored throughout this pregnancy for any danger to the baby. I have had monthly blood tests and ultrasounds and all is well, but they are just watching to play it safe. About the only thing a mom-to-be can do is make sure she gets the best care available, because the doctors are the ones who have to make these decisions.
As far as whether she is too stressed-out, well, it is possible that stress may have been a factor, but from what I have read it is more likely that the miscarriage was caused by some defect in the fetus or its environment in the womb, which again is *not* her fault. The last thing she needs to hear is that she may have somehow been a cause. She is young and has plenty of time; the most important thing is she needs to work through her emotions first. I hate to sound glib but I do come from experience. I had difficult fertility issues with my first and two miscarriages but three successful pregnancies. BR's story illustrates that not everyone gets so lucky but at the same time your daughter in law can't go into this thinking she is helpless. She and your son have many years to create their family.
The shot they gave her *may* have been because they were concerned that because of the loss, she now has antibodies in her blood that could be a risk for a future pregnancy. I can tell you it happens because I have some hemoglobin antibodies (from an earlier pregnancy where the blood got mixed together) that have required me to be monitored throughout this pregnancy for any danger to the baby. I have had monthly blood tests and ultrasounds and all is well, but they are just watching to play it safe. About the only thing a mom-to-be can do is make sure she gets the best care available, because the doctors are the ones who have to make these decisions.
As far as whether she is too stressed-out, well, it is possible that stress may have been a factor, but from what I have read it is more likely that the miscarriage was caused by some defect in the fetus or its environment in the womb, which again is *not* her fault. The last thing she needs to hear is that she may have somehow been a cause. She is young and has plenty of time; the most important thing is she needs to work through her emotions first. I hate to sound glib but I do come from experience. I had difficult fertility issues with my first and two miscarriages but three successful pregnancies. BR's story illustrates that not everyone gets so lucky
but at the same time your daughter in law can't go into this thinking she is helpless. She and your son have many years to create their family.
Lady D
SoWal Insider
Lady D I know you are upset, but please don't let your daughter in law think you are blaming her. You mention that "too bad she didn't have the shot earlier in the pregnancy," but the average mom-to-be doesn't know a thing about Rh incompatibility, nor should she be expected to. Also, if her blood type is positive, why would she think the baby's might be negative? Usually the concern is when the mother's type is negative.
The shot they gave her *may* have been because they were concerned that because of the loss, she now has antibodies in her blood that could be a risk for a future pregnancy. I can tell you it happens because I have some hemoglobin antibodies (from an earlier pregnancy where the blood got mixed together) that have required me to be monitored throughout this pregnancy for any danger to the baby. I have had monthly blood tests and ultrasounds and all is well, but they are just watching to play it safe. About the only thing a mom-to-be can do is make sure she gets the best care available, because the doctors are the ones who have to make these decisions.
As far as whether she is too stressed-out, well, it is possible that stress may have been a factor, but from what I have read it is more likely that the miscarriage was caused by some defect in the fetus or its environment in the womb, which again is *not* her fault. The last thing she needs to hear is that she may have somehow been a cause. She is young and has plenty of time; the most important thing is she needs to work through her emotions first. I hate to sound glib but I do come from experience. I had difficult fertility issues with my first and two miscarriages but three successful pregnancies. BR's story illustrates that not everyone gets so lucky
Oh, I'm not blaming her. I was referring mainly more about the ob/gyn, and them asking questions about the family history earlier on. I am sure they asked some questions, but may not have thought of everything! It was not something she even recalled about her aunt. She thought of it after the doctor mentioned it Tuesday. My blood type was not compatible with my son's. I knew nothing of that problem either. I had that rogam shot after having him. That may have not been the cause. There is a registered nurse at their apartment staying through Saturday morning that came with her mother. She spent the evening last night talking to her and asking a lot of questions. She was in a better frame of mind after speaking with her. Her blood type is the one that is negative. My son's is positive! I am sure they are going to try again as soon as possible after this procedure! I think they are going to wait a month or two though!
Mango
SoWal Insider
Good to hear that she is in better spirits today and they are talking about trying again. In the meantime, she should keep taking her
pre-natal vitamins.
Did they ever find out what was causing her gall bladder to act up? 21 seems very young to have gallbladder problems. Perhaps when she is feeling up to it, she may want to go see a specialist.
pre-natal vitamins.
Did they ever find out what was causing her gall bladder to act up? 21 seems very young to have gallbladder problems. Perhaps when she is feeling up to it, she may want to go see a specialist.
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iwishiwasthere
Beach Fanatic
What a tough time. Please know I am thinking of you and your family...it is such a difficult loss.