Dear Abby.........

[DD]

So I have this friend who's been my friend for about 20+ years. We used to live in the same town, but I moved away about 12 years ago and as always, we sorta drifted apart some, but always kept in touch and took trips together, upheld traditions, etc. She got married about 10 years ago to a guy who's a troll in my humble opinion, but I tried to be supportive and never said too much bad stuff about him. We've ALWAYS had this tradition at Christmas that I go to this town and we go around and visit various other friends and drink a bunch of wine and talk about the "Glory Days". I go there at other times of the year too and visit. It's always funn. During the whole time that I've lived away (60 miles), she has been to visit me ONE time. I'm ALWAYS the one who calls her. She uses hubby as an excuse. I know her phone number, she does not know mine. So.....last Christmas, I call her a week ahead of time and tell her that I will be down the day after her birthday to visit, give her her gifts, etc. Remember, this is a tradition. She tells me she's on vacation that week, but she'll be glad to see me, but she's gonna be shopping but should be home mid-afternoon. On the day of my visit, I see some other people while giving her time to finish her shopping. Finally, after about three hours, she calls me on my cell and says, "You're gonna kill me, I'm still shopping. Don't think I'll make it home any time soon". I say, "I guess I'll leave your gifts on your porch", she says, "No, I'll see you before Christmas", I say, "I doubt it". Haven't talked to her since. She's made no effort to contact, and has no idea that I was so pissed! NOW, today, I get a email from her just "checking in", wants me to meet her for lunch in a couple of weeks. I'm still pretty mad, but part of me says I should just let it go and not lose a friend. The other part of me thinks maybe I should heed Don Henley's words.........."Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge."
Sorry so long....I'm just really stressed over this!
Thoughts?

 

[audie]

i would tell her you are upset, and why. it's not good to keep all that bottled up. i had a sorta similar thing happen..we had a bunch of narcotics come up missing at work and everyone had to be drug tested. i was very good friends with one of the 3rd shift techs, our drug test was on my week off so i had to go in for it. she ended up testing positive for what we were missing, she got fired needless to say, it was a big mess. she says she was framed, i am not sure what employer would frame their best worker, but hey, that's just me. to make a long story short, i kept trying to keep in contact with her, told her as long as we didn't have to talk about this mess i wanted to stay in touch etc. i heard nothing from her for months, then all of a sudden she started emailing me all buddy buddy like. come to find out she wanted me to testify before the state board of pharmacy on her behalf so she could keep her tech license. i told her i couldn't get involved, and she got really mad at me. she was really p.o.'d because i didn't quit my job in defense of her. i mean come on, it's not like it is a minimum wage job for one thing, and for another, i wasn't there, how do i know she didn't take that stuff ? i have not heard from her for over a year and a half now. while i miss talking to her, she has proved she wasn't the friend i thought she was.

 

[Mermaid]

Oh dear. There's lots of ways you could approach this. Depends on how much you want her as a friend as to what path you could take with this! But I'll tell you what I'd do: I'd shoot her back an e-mail and tell her what you've just told us, stressing that you're angry but also hurt by her behavior. Then I'd sit back and see what kind of e-mail I got back. If she apologises, fine, if she gets defensive, run like he!! from that burning bridge.

 

[DD]

oh, i would definitely love to tell her that i'm mad and why. i really think this has been building up for years even before this incident. she used to blow her friends off when she had a new relationship. we used to just chalk it up to that just being her. but lately, as i've gotten older, i just wonder if the friendship is even really that and should i waste my time on someone who has so little regard for the feeling of others--and who's just flat out oblivious.

on the other hand, she has many qualities that i always admired and dang, before the troll, she was a heck of a lot of funn. if i tell her, it's going to hurt her, and i don't want that.

wait.....the phone's ringing.....it's Dr. Phil!!

 

[DD]

aud and mer: thanks for letting me vent....i'll let you know how it turns out. she emailed from work, so i'll wait til sunday to reply.....

 

[audie]

it's sad to say, but she almost sounds like someone who only calls if she hasn't had a better offer. life is too short to be treated like that, at least in my opinion. besides, how could she get a better offer than hanging out with you ????

 

[DD]

it's sad to say, but she almost sounds like someone who only calls if she hasn't had a better offer. life is too short to be treated like that, at least in my opinion. besides, how could she get a better offer than hanging out with you ????

thanks. and I think you're right! i guess i just got so mad because she knew ahead of time, and if the tables had been turned, i woulda made dang sure i was home and been happy to see her!

p.s. I'm sorry too that you lost your friend...it really sucks when someone you care about goes and has a moment of stupid judgement...if in fact, she did take the drugs.

 

[audie]

i say kick her butt !!!!

 

[DD]

i say kick her butt !!!!

i could do it! and i just might!

 

[Mermaid]

DD, you didn't say where she wants to meet you for lunch. Is she expecting you to drive to her, as usual?