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Dog Philosophy 101

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hummingbird

Beach Lover
Dog Philosophy 101

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.-Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.-Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.- Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.-Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.-Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.-Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.-James Thurber


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.-Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right!I never would've thought of that!'- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.-Phil Pastoret
 
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Those are great! Here are some excerpts from the diaries of Dogs & cats...too funny!!!


Subject: Dog and Cat Diaries

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff, was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 a.m. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!
3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters .. they're the best!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I was bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones -- awesome!
7:00! p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY

Day 683 of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ~ for now. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time...
 
Pets are so great.....:wub:
 
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