For your reading and laughing pleasure...

[Rudyjohn]

These were ALL hilarious.


My favs:

16.) Red light/texting (guilty)
29.) Mapquest (Ain't that the truth)
30.) Obits (guilty again )
45.) Olympic/Chinese (thought that too)
50.) School Zone/pedophiles (yep)
59.) CNN video thing bang

 

[Carol G]

Awesome, every single one.

 

[BeachSiO2]

He-lair-e-us

 

[Bob]

warejewgitdat???? very good!

 

[Rudyjohn]

warejewgitdat???? very good!

Yeah, for the first half of them, I thought they were Ms. Kitty's. I thought, "Wow, she's on a roll."

 

[scooterbug44]

Damn! Some of those made me wonder if you had a camera on me! Others just made me laugh out loud!

Mouthy Thoughts of the Day:

1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

9. There is a great need for sarcasm font.

10. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f&*% was going on when I first saw it.

15. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. (And clean your house).

16. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. (or put on make-up).

23. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". (I hear "I am making excuses for not knowing something basic").

24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

29. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

30. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

31. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

34. Bad decisions make good stories

36. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

40. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

41. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. (or think you just fell out of bed).

46. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

49. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

52. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

53. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

54. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

55. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

56. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

57. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

59. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

60. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

61. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

62. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

 

[Mango]

Kitty, did you compile these from all of us?

 

[Truffle Anne]

I saved 'em in Word Perfect so I can use 'em agin. Kudos, Miss K.