Friday Eve Funny

[ktmeadows]

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets; Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked.

When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.

And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."


The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!". The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "Bell 3", they began making love.


After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!"


"What the hell is Bell 4?" asked the husband.



"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE"

 

[BigR]

Since we're on the subject of size:

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

 

[kathydwells]

And while we are on the subject of old folks:


Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual
activities.

The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she was
able to get her husband excited at night by getting totally naked,
lyingin bed, and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.

The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night she
got totally naked and began the long process of putting her two legs
behind her head. The first leg was kind of tough to put in place, as
she was a bit arthritic, but she finally got it in place.

She was having an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked
herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head. However, she had rocked back so hard that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

Moments after this happened, her husband came out of the bathroom.

"Gladys!" he exclaimed, For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth back in!

You look like an a##hole!!"

 

[kathydwells]

A fireman came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station:

Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets; Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.

"From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked.

When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.

And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."


The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!". The wife promptly took all her clothes off.

When he yelled "Bell 2!", the wife jumped into bed.

When he yelled "Bell 3", they began making love.


After a few minutes the wife yelled "Bell 4!"


"What the hell is Bell 4?" asked the husband.



"ROLL OUT MORE HOSE," she replied, "YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR THE FIRE"

 

[ktmeadows]

And while we are on the subject of old folks:


Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual
activities.

The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she was
able to get her husband excited at night by getting totally naked,
lyingin bed, and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style.

The second old woman thought that was a great idea, so that night she
got totally naked and began the long process of putting her two legs
behind her head. The first leg was kind of tough to put in place, as
she was a bit arthritic, but she finally got it in place.

She was having an even tougher time with the second leg, so she rocked
herself backwards until she finally got it behind her head. However, she had rocked back so hard that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air.

Moments after this happened, her husband came out of the bathroom.

"Gladys!" he exclaimed, For heavens sake, comb your hair and put your teeth back in!

You look like an a##hole!!"

:rofl: