Friday Funnies!

[ktmeadows]

One German, One Japanese and a Hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager,"he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."

The Hillbilly felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Hillbilly finally said------- "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax!!!

 

[Mermaid]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the
microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in
years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach
your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next
to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with
friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your
cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry
in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the
bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which
you didn't have the first 20 or 30 or even 60 years of your life, is
now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before
getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are
going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on
this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.l

 

[ktschris]

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.

He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the
astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth
and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close
his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and
I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing
this spectacle each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, and dropped his trousers,
placing his privates in the alligator's mouth. The gator
closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped
the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened
his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as
promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks
were delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay
anyone $100 who's willing to give it! a try."

A hush fell over the crowd.....

After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A
blonde woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head so hard with the beer
bottle."

:rofl: I like that one alot!

 

[Miss Kitty]

Excellent work funny people!

 

[CastlesOfSand]

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the
microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in
years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach
your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next
to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with
friends and family is that
they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your
cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry
in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the
bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which
you didn't have the first 20 or 30 or even 60 years of your life, is
now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before
getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are
going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on
this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.l

Cute one Mermaid!! :clap_1:

 

[BigR]

2 blondes are in a Starbucks
1 is reading the paper
The headline reads: "Two Brazilian Soldiers Killed in Iraq"
She leans over to the other blonde and asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"