Friday Funny!!!

[kathydwells]

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers'
license It is like a report card, it has everything on it."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."


"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"

"Because you got an F in sex."

 

[OhioBeachBum]

 

[Landlocked]

:laughing1


Two nuns driving back to convent after a Halloween Midnight Mass. Pulled up at a T-junction in the middle of nowhere, totally lost. They heard a rustle in the trees, follwed by a bump and looked up to see a shadowy figure crawling up the hood.

Realizing they had chanced on an encounter with a Vampire, Petrified, the nuns started praying, but this only made the Vampire angry. Then one said to the other "Have you any of that Holy Water left?"

She reached into her bag, unscrewed the top, rolled the window down and shook what was left at the Vampire. He erupted with rage, snarling even louder and with his with bloodshot eyes, they grew more afraid.

One nun glanced at the other's Rosary beads - "Show him your cross" - she exclaimed With that she rolled down the window and shouted - "Get off the Fu**ing Car!!!!"

 

[OhioBeachBum]

sweet

 

[kathydwells]

:laughing1


Two nuns driving back to convent after a Halloween Midnight Mass. Pulled up at a T-junction in the middle of nowhere, totally lost. They heard a rustle in the trees, follwed by a bump and looked up to see a shadowy figure crawling up the hood.

Realizing they had chanced on an encounter with a Vampire, Petrified, the nuns started praying, but this only made the Vampire angry. Then one said to the other "Have you any of that Holy Water left?"

She reached into her bag, unscrewed the top, rolled the window down and shook what was left at the Vampire. He erupted with rage, snarling even louder and with his with bloodshot eyes, they grew more afraid.

One nun glanced at the other's Rosary beads - "Show him your cross" - she exclaimed With that she rolled down the window and shouted - "Get off the Fu**ing Car!!!!"

You so funny!!!!!!

 

[RiverOtter]

:laughing1


Two nuns driving back to convent after a Halloween Midnight Mass. Pulled up at a T-junction in the middle of nowhere, totally lost. They heard a rustle in the trees, follwed by a bump and looked up to see a shadowy figure crawling up the hood.

Realizing they had chanced on an encounter with a Vampire, Petrified, the nuns started praying, but this only made the Vampire angry. Then one said to the other "Have you any of that Holy Water left?"

She reached into her bag, unscrewed the top, rolled the window down and shook what was left at the Vampire. He erupted with rage, snarling even louder and with his with bloodshot eyes, they grew more afraid.

One nun glanced at the other's Rosary beads - "Show him your cross" - she exclaimed With that she rolled down the window and shouted - "Get off the Fu**ing Car!!!!"

LMAO!

 

[kathydwells]

DYING MAFIOSO

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome
plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your
Rolex watch instead."

"You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of
bambini.

"Soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with
another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, ... TIMES UP!"

 

[OhioBeachBum]

DYING MAFIOSO

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, and he called his grandson to his bed.
"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome
plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your
Rolex watch instead."

"You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of
bambini.

"Soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with
another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, ... TIMES UP!"

hoot! :laughing1
lova da spallin :clap_1:

 

[Sheila]

hoot! :laughing1
lova da spallin :clap_1:

"I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"


Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today,
I really sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today".
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go work. You try this. Two hours later
Hung Chow calls again.


"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got
nice house."

 

[Smiling JOe]

"I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"


Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today,
I really sick. Got headache, stomachache and legs hurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today".
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.
That makes everything better and I go work. You try this. Two hours later
Hung Chow calls again.


"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got
nice house."

Oh my, that is funny!