Friday Funny!!!

[ktmeadows]

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone. I myself am the product of 12 years of Catholic schooling (and had my share of ruller-slaps-on-the-hand, ear pull, etc ) Just got this one from a friend....I'm still rolling on the floor!

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock was missing!!


The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in the church the next morning..


During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.


No, no, he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three alter boys, two priests, and a goat stood up.

 

[OhioBeachBum]

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone. I myself am the product of 12 years of Catholic schooling (and had my share of ruller-slaps-on-the-hand, ear pull, etc ) Just got this one from a friend....I'm still rolling on the floor!

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock was missing!!


The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in the church the next morning..


During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.


No, no, he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three alter boys, two priests, and a goat stood up.

Catholics always sport the best Catholic jokes (and have the coldest beer - just check my fridge ;-) )

 

[Kurt]

:shock: I took cock off the censor list cause cocktail kept getting zapped. Maybe I should add it back?

 

[Landlocked]

:shock: I took cock off the censor list cause cocktail kept getting zapped. Maybe I should add it back?

 

[RiverOtter]

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone. I myself am the product of 12 years of Catholic schooling (and had my share of ruller-slaps-on-the-hand, ear pull, etc ) Just got this one from a friend....I'm still rolling on the floor!

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock was missing!!


The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in the church the next morning..


During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.


No, no, he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three alter boys, two priests, and a goat stood up.

:shock:

 

[OhioBeachBum]

:shock: I took cock off the censor list cause cocktail kept getting zapped. Maybe I should add it back?

then you'd be left with only tail :clap_1:

 

[kathydwells]

Last one....and I sure hope it doesn't offend anyone...It was just too funny not to share!!!!

PULLIN' OUT

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."

 

[Teresa]

Hopefully this doesn't offend anyone. I myself am the product of 12 years of Catholic schooling (and had my share of ruller-slaps-on-the-hand, ear pull, etc ) Just got this one from a friend....I'm still rolling on the floor!

The priest in a small Irish village loved the cock and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. But one Saturday night the cock was missing!!


The priest knew that cock fights happened in the village, so he started to question his parishioners in the church the next morning..


During Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.


No, no, he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.


"No no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?" All the nuns, three alter boys, two priests, and a goat stood up.

HA!!!!

 

[ktmeadows]

Last one....and I sure hope it doesn't offend anyone...It was just too funny not to share!!!!

PULLIN' OUT

For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mom you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no transportation."

:laughing1

 

[Sandie]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight
around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a VCR to
place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the
dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and
froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his
head, promised himself a long vacation after his next big score,
then clicked the light back on and began searching for more
valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires,
clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out!, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot...

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who the heck are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?"

The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would name a 140 pound Rottweiler Jesus."