Read post #19 (probably posted the same time as your post). He does want a job - - if he can fit it in with orchestra, symphony, honors music class, jazz band, marching band. And all of these have unbelievable rehearsal commitments. Plus doing some chores at home.Why do you feel you need to pay for his entertainment? There's no reason you have to fund him 100%. He's a big boy; let him earn some money. My son and daughter both babysat, mowed lawns, etc. We've always been very generous with the pocket money but when we started feeling like you're feeling--abused, is it??--that's when we said to our kids "You want to eat out/go to the movies/whatever, you pay for it yourself." It's amazing how little they need to entertain themselves when THEY'RE the ones who are buying.
If this sounds a little too radical for you, I'd suggest going halfsies. Call it "matching funds" if you'd like, but it requires kids to put a little of their own $$ into the pot. Again, it's amazing how they pare down the partying when mama and daddy aren't doling cash out every time they request it.
BTW, you're very lucky to have SoWal. I learned all this the hard way, as our now 19 year old son nearly bankrupted us without our even noticing. A dollah here, a dollah there....
-
Trouble logging in? Send us a message with your username and/or email address for help.
I'm About to Go Broke!
- Thread starter Rudyjohn
- Start date
kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
How does he even have a social life with all of these committments?
It is hard but all these kids do the same thing as him. They meet to eat and then do their rehearsals. In some ways it is tough for them to get some social time in, but they manage an hour here or there. It will get tougher the older he gets. He started his sophomore year today and went right to driver's ed. w/in 15 minutes of getting out of school today until 6pm. Then it's home to practice and then homework. He told me he was going out to lunch with "Emily" tomorrow. She's a Sr. and someone new.
I will not give him $$ to buy her lunch too!
Ocean Lover
bean
I like this idea too. This is Sam's first middle school experience and they have a few choices for lunch now. Ala carte items etc. One of her friends just said..oh, just bring $5 to school everyday and that will be fine. Fine with who??!! That's $125 a month right there. This summer has been the first summer we've experienced the constant handout. The other problem is if they're involved in activites, when is there time for a job? We will certainly have to find a happy medium b/c I can't keep up the ATM forever. I really appreciate everyone's advice on this board too. :clap_1:
JohnRudy, you are missing the obvious here. If your son has time for all the social activities, he has time to work. Babysitting pays over $5 an hour and lawnmowing and leaf raking hauls in big bucks. He can put up a sign in the church hall saying he's available for small jobs. Of course, if he works, we'll say, 2 hours a week on a casual every now and then basis, it will mean that he has to shave that same number of hours off socializing since it can't be taken away from school, rehearsals and other firm commitments. That's not a bad thing. It's going to happen to him anyway once he's older and starts holding down a "real" job. Part of growing up and paying your own way means telling your friends that as much as you'd like to go out with them every time they ask, it's not always possible. It's a bummer (as my 17 year old daughter will tell you) but hey, life costs $$ and someone has to earn it.
Yes, this is exactly what I'm saying too. It is true that there's not a lot of time for a job and to be honest with you, that will come soon enough. But it is time for a budget to be set into place in our house. I'm not even complaining about paying for the "entertainment" aspect. I always get a big thank you and sometimes even a hug. And he dosen't abuse the situation but it could become a sense of entitlement eventually.
Hearing others' guidelines & suggestions is helpful.
steele mama
Beach Fanatic
I went through the same thing with #4. She was too busy with legitimate things to work during the school year, especially before she could drive and all the big sisses were gone.It is hard but all these kids do the same thing as him. They meet to eat and then do their rehearsals. In some ways it is tough for them to get some social time in, but they manage an hour here or there. It will get tougher the older he gets. He started his sophomore year today and went right to driver's ed. w/in 15 minutes of getting out of school today until 6pm. Then it's home to practice and then homework. He told me he was going out to lunch with "Emily" tomorrow. She's a Sr. and someone new.
I think the best idea is to give the set amount weekly. This set amount can be large enough ($50 or more) that they don't ever have to ask you for $ again. He has to save from it for the bigger expenses that may come up, like new shoes. I tried this and it worked great but as a single mom I didn't even have the $50 a week to give her so it didn't work very long. If you add what you are spending now it is probably a lot more than that. Soon he will be working, wherever he can, I'm sure. He sounds like an industrious kid.
I think the $50/week is MORE than generous (I'm thinking less in fact!) & should cover his school lunches too. This sounds like a good plan to me. And to think I only got $7/week when I was 15!I went through the same thing with #4. She was too busy with legitimate things to work during the school year, especially before she could drive and all the big sisses were gone.
I think the best idea is to give the set amount weekly. This set amount can be large enough ($50 or more) that they don't ever have to ask you for $ again. He has to save from it for the bigger expenses that may come up, like new shoes. I tried this and it worked great but as a single mom I didn't even have the $50 a week to give her so it didn't work very long. If you add what you are spending now it is probably a lot more than that. Soon he will be working, wherever he can, I'm sure. He sounds like an industrious kid.
Thank you for your kind words.
Unplugged
Beach Fanatic
Geez - this thread makes me apprecate my two 'girls' :shock: They can be expensive at times... but not on the scale that's being discussed here 
Johnrudy: it sounds like you are getting some excellent advice here.
BTW: an earlier post makes me wonder:
...is funding your kid's college a 'birth-right' these days???!
_________________________________________
Johnrudy: it sounds like you are getting some excellent advice here.
BTW: an earlier post makes me wonder:
...is funding your kid's college a 'birth-right' these days???!
_________________________________________
Last edited:
