Passive-Aggressive

[Lynnie]

Your friend sounds closer to Bi-polar, or narcissistic (NPD). The PAs I have worked with always used guilt or verbal abuse to try and control family or friends. If you look through some other personality issues, you will probably find your friend. Not all PA's are narcissistic, but all NPD's use PA tactics to build and shelter their non-existent ego. As far as adoption, she may not have bonded and just be emotionally stunted and spoiled. Or, she may have never been allowed to be autonomous from her adoptive parents and that is when you see real issues.

Passive-aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition. As an alternative, the diagnosis Personality disorder not otherwise specified may be used instead.
The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:[3]


A) A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicted by four (or more) of the following:

1. passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks
2. complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
3. is sullen and argumentative
4. unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority
5. expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate
6. voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune
7. alternates between hostile defiance and contrition

B) Does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder.

1) social, not work related.
2) yep - the unappreciated thing
3) extremely argumentative
4) very critical (of even her aging whippet)
5) she's done this to me (although I am not more fortunate, this is her perception)
6) overly expressing personal achievements
7) I have never seen her contrite, but her pattern is hostile, reprimanded, then two-three weeks of quiet, but piercing stares, then loud on her achievements, then hostile again. Repetez.

There seems to be a great deal of jealousy and envy, which has turned into attempts of intimidation and bullying to make herself look good, which unfortunately backfired.

I don't know if she's bi-polar (she has mentioned meds before), P/A or just plain mean-spirited. But, there is something off-kilter. Because of this, her days are numbered and I feel badly for her. We all create our own paths - she has created one centered around disrespect and lonliness. Her magazines/mail are addressed to Mr. (Her Dog's Name) and her last name

With the internet bullies, what's up with them? Online stalkers, horrifying comments, blatant abuse of other posters!

 

[Miss Critter]

When someone is mean to me, I just imagine they look like this and then I feel better.

Whatever you do, DO NOT drink the Crown Royal!! Sorry for the interruption. Please carry on. . .

 

[cheesehead]

This sounds like an unhappy person, or possibly a chemical unbalance. p/a people are cunning, in a not so nice way. If it hadn't been pointed out to me, back in the 90's, I still would be scratching what hair I have left on my head. Hope this helps.

 

[Susan Horn]

The very most highly skilled PAs leave you feeling confused, angry, unworthy, stupid, perhaps a little slimed, and you don't know why, because everything they did and said was in a sincere and sweet tone, and if you ever figured it out and tried to talk to them about it, they would look at you sincerely, sweetly, but with surprise because they would have no idea what you were talkng about. These people never say no, they will say yes and then "forget" or be "late" or simply do such a lousy job of (fill in the blank) that if you're smart, you will never count on them to come through on even the simplest commitment. I mean something as simple as rinsing off the big chunks before putting plates inthe dishwasher!

If you get to the point where you express any feelings that coule be construed as anything other than unadulterated praise and adoration about this pattern repeating, they may at some point go nasty or sarcastic, or they may turn up the "nice", but I've also seen them just evaporate and cut off all contact in search of greener pastures when you get wise to their game.

Some of these folks have this pattern so ingrained that they don't even know they're doing it (at least some of the time). If they do have an awareness of it, and a desire to interact more authentically, even then it can be extremely hard to change this pattern/habit.

In institutions with a lot of hierarchy, PA can sometimes be the only sane response to an insane setup. IMHO, one reason why so many institutions become inefficient at best, corrupt at worst, once they reach a certain size.

There's a very successful clothing/outfitter company, Patagonia maybe? who figured out that for their business, having more than 150 people at a given plant was the tipping point for that, so every time they have a facility that grows to the point that they need more than 150 people, they build a new one. I thought that was brilliant. Maybe not feasible for all businesses, but a great inspiration anyway.

 

[cheesehead]

Here here!!