Rejected Hallmark Cards

[Jdarg]

THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
H ow could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ..
I've changed my mind.
--------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
####################################################
Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
********************************************************************
************
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
!
Almost Lifelike!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
We have been friends for a very long time ..
let's say we stop?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I'm so miserable without you
it's almost like you're here.
=====================================================
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
)))))))))))))))))))))))))! ))))))))
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

 

[Sheila]

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

This is my favorite. Think someone will send it to TomKat when she gives birth?



These are all great! Thanks for sharing. :clap_1:

 

[Smiling JOe]

I am thankful that I was not drinking Pepsi when I read the first few. I hate sending Pepsi up the nose and out the nostrils, the back route. Those are hillarious.

 

[Dabell]

I am thankful that I was not drinking Pepsi when I read the first few. I hate sending Pepsi up the nose and out the nostrils, the back route. Those are hillarious.

How funny!

 

[RiverOtter]

:rofl: M(Otter)AO

 

[Jdarg]

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

When I first read this, I thought you were asking about our new 4 legged furry bundle of joy. The asking about the father part kinda threw me, since we adopted him and I have no clue about his parentage.

Then I got it- you were quoting the Hallmark baby card from hell!

 

[Sheila]

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

When I first read this, I thought you were asking about our new 4 legged furry bundle of joy. The asking about the father part kinda threw me, since we adopted him and I have no clue about his parentage.

Then I got it- you were quoting the Hallmark baby card from hell!

My bad! Still very funny!

PS I have 2 puppies and never "met my babies daddy" either! Know his name, but never met him, just the same.

 

[Miss Kitty]

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

When I first read this, I thought you were asking about our new 4 legged furry bundle of joy. The asking about the father part kinda threw me, since we adopted him and I have no clue about his parentage.

Then I got it- you were quoting the Hallmark baby card from hell!

OMG...I thought the same thing! I must go to bed now...gttbm made me laugh way too much tonight.

 

[kathydwells]

Just now getting to page 2 of the new posts. Been Busy. Anyway, these are so funny!!! Love them! All of them made me laugh. I have reasons to use a few of these!

 

[seagrovelover]

Way too funny....thanks for making me smile!!!!!!!