kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband " "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth me going home, is it?
_____________________________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
is the best thing about being 104 " the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."
_____________________________________________________
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
_____________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
_____________________________________________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to
take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
_____________________________________________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart " the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart " "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
_____________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
_____________________________________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
_____________________________________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
_____________________________________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband " "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth me going home, is it?
_____________________________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
is the best thing about being 104 " the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."
_____________________________________________________
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
eggs.
_____________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
_____________________________________________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to
take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
_____________________________________________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart " the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart " "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "
_____________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
_____________________________________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
_____________________________________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
_____________________________________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
relief."
I liked it...makes me feel like a young'un. 
