30gAy
Beach Fanatic
Walton Funn August 4, 2006
Area residents are breathing a sigh of relief after Walton County Sheriff?s Department announced the arrest today of the so called ?Walton Swiper?.
In a story mirroring a series of Interstate sniper attacks along Indiana?s highways this summer, south Walton roads have been the scene of terrifying ?swiper? attacks; in which the ?swiper? uses a white paint pen to modify ?W The President? bumper stickers on area cars.
Modifications to the bumper stickers cause them to closely resemble those of the organization -Free the Girls; a Forest Park, Georgia based lesbian group which according to its spokesperson Hilary Parker, ?promotes emancipation of women?s breasts from male imposed bondage. Basically, we don?t like bras.?
The attacks have hit particularly hard in this area, known as the Republican Riviera. Local republican chair Bob Thompson stated ?What with the President?s approval rating down in the 30 percent range, we have already had to tell all the local candidates not to use the word ?Republican? in their TV ads, just stick to ?conservative? we said. And now this, I mean it?s embarrassing enough to be associated with a failed foreign policy and now what?s left of our supporters are driving cars that are promoting some lesbian anti-bra mafia.?
Local Cindi Callahan summed up the anxieties felt by area residents for the past few months, ?You were scared to leave the SUV parked anywhere for too long. I mean Jeez, I haven?t had a restaurant cooked meal since March!?
The perpetrator has been identified as local gadfly, 30-gAy.
Walton County Sherrif?s Department was quick to clarify that the organization Free the Girls is not in any way involved in the attacks.
Parker remarked, ?Really I?m not sure what all the fuss is about, after all, Dick Cheney?s daughter Mary has both stickers on her car.?
Area residents are breathing a sigh of relief after Walton County Sheriff?s Department announced the arrest today of the so called ?Walton Swiper?.
In a story mirroring a series of Interstate sniper attacks along Indiana?s highways this summer, south Walton roads have been the scene of terrifying ?swiper? attacks; in which the ?swiper? uses a white paint pen to modify ?W The President? bumper stickers on area cars.
Modifications to the bumper stickers cause them to closely resemble those of the organization -Free the Girls; a Forest Park, Georgia based lesbian group which according to its spokesperson Hilary Parker, ?promotes emancipation of women?s breasts from male imposed bondage. Basically, we don?t like bras.?
The attacks have hit particularly hard in this area, known as the Republican Riviera. Local republican chair Bob Thompson stated ?What with the President?s approval rating down in the 30 percent range, we have already had to tell all the local candidates not to use the word ?Republican? in their TV ads, just stick to ?conservative? we said. And now this, I mean it?s embarrassing enough to be associated with a failed foreign policy and now what?s left of our supporters are driving cars that are promoting some lesbian anti-bra mafia.?
Local Cindi Callahan summed up the anxieties felt by area residents for the past few months, ?You were scared to leave the SUV parked anywhere for too long. I mean Jeez, I haven?t had a restaurant cooked meal since March!?
The perpetrator has been identified as local gadfly, 30-gAy.
Walton County Sherrif?s Department was quick to clarify that the organization Free the Girls is not in any way involved in the attacks.
Parker remarked, ?Really I?m not sure what all the fuss is about, after all, Dick Cheney?s daughter Mary has both stickers on her car.?
to free the girls.....
