hummingbird
Beach Lover
Southernness
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder." _____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going
to town, be back directly." _____
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table. _____
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well. _____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin! _____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20. _____
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn. _____
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb. _____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're
"in line," .... we talk to everybody! _____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage. _____
In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural. _____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"
... and go your own way. _____
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart! _____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time
understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they
are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder." _____
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going
to town, be back directly." _____
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table. _____
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well. _____
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also know to add a large banana puddin! _____
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
mile or 20. _____
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn. _____
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb. _____
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're
"in line," .... we talk to everybody! _____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage. _____
In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural. _____
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"
... and go your own way. _____
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart! _____
And to those of you who are still having a hard time
understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they
are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____
