Spam any one?

[Allifunn]

This is the official knock spam thread...If this is offensive to any one, or is politically incorrect....TOUGH....

Spam Haiku:Clad in metal, proud
No mere salt-curing for you
You are not bacon

And who dares mock Spam?
You? you? you are not worthy
Of one rich pink fleck

Silent, former pig
One communal awareness
Myriad pink bricks

Twist, pull the sharp lid
Jerks and cuts me deeply but
Spam, aah, my poultice

Can of metal, slick
Soft center, so cool, moistening
I yearn for your salt

Blue can of steel
What promise do you hold?
Salt flesh so ripe

Grotesque pinkish mass
In a blue can on a shelf
Quivering alone

 

[Allifunn]

Spam carving...............................Spam of Steel, Canadian King Spalmon

Trial of Lorena Spammit......................... Daddy-o's new camera?

 

[Ocean Lover]

I was going to have spam for breakfast but jeesh Alli, not sure I can after that 3rd pic.
Do you always wake up so fuNNy.

 

[Mango]

Hi kids! I'm Copious Barfon, the leading chef for iffy recipes in the US,
and today I'm going to show you how to make a *jumbo size pack of Spam (TM)*,
one that's so BIG you will have enough for you and ALL your friends! But
watch out, I can't guarantee they'll still be friends after they've tried it.
(Note : I had to change the ingredients slightly to keep animal rights
groups from suing me.)

Ingredients:
*One cow*
(a terminally depressed, suicidal cow that has no desire whatever
to live anymore and is quite happy to sacrifice its life to be an
ingredient in suspect cuisine)
*One pig*
(with a similar outlook on life to the cow)
A ten kilo slice of whale blubber
A large pot of moisturiser
A can of petrol

Utensils :
A cement mixer
A clothes peg
Two hand guns

Directions:
Put the peg on your nose and mix the petrol up with the whale blubber.
Feed the pig half of this mixture, the cow the other half. Pigs will
eat anything, but the cow may need some persuasion even if it's suicidal.
If all else fails, hold its nose until it moos in protest and shove it all
in quickly. Give the cow a pat on the back, but don't let it give you one.
Allow the animals a few hours to digest it, then take their last wills and
testaments before providing each one with a hand gun.
After they shoot themselves, and you have stood for a minutes respectful
silence, carve the animals up into three piles. Pile A for the bones,
brains and balls, Pile B for the fat, Pile C for the best cuts.
Throw Pile C away, you won't need it. Keep Pile B for when you next visit
Burger King; they need all the fat they can get for their Bacon Double
Cheesburgers. Place Pile A in the cement mixer, and turn it on. After
an hour it should start to resemble spam. Taste it, and you'll tell by
that feeling of faint nausea, that this is indeed Spam. But it is not yet
spreadable! So Add the moisturiser until it is.
And there you have it!
In my next recipe, Copious Barfon will be showing you how to make a cheap
capucino from mud, flem and flaked weasels droppings.
Till then, happy eating!

 

[Allifunn]

I was going to have spam for breakfast but jeesh Alli, not sure I can after that 3rd pic.
Do you always wake up so fuNNy.

I was goaded on by Copious Barfon!...it came to me in a dream..........

 

[Allifunn]

Hi kids! I'm Copious Barfon, the leading chef for iffy recipes in the US,
and today I'm going to show you how to make a *jumbo size pack of Spam (TM)*,
one that's so BIG you will have enough for you and ALL your friends! But
watch out, I can't guarantee they'll still be friends after they've tried it.
QUOTE] ....................................:rofl:

 

[Allifunn]

How to become a hott spam chick............................

 

[Mango]

I was goaded on by Copious Barfon!...it came to me in a dream..........

Well I knew one of us would start the thread! except, one ingredient I forgot- badger ham

 

[Mango]

How to become a hott spam chick............................

A new bathing suit? :clap_1:

 

[Allifunn]

Well I knew one of us would start the thread! except, one ingredient I forgot- badger ham

:scratch: :scratch: :scratch: :scratch:
this was all I could find ...country Badger Ham...looks much more appetizing than Spam

I am sure someone can do better......challenge!