Speeding Senior Citizen

[kathydwells]

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible.

He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared on down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he tromped on it some more, and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.

Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes, and walked up to the man.

"Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me any reason why you were speeding, that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

 

[seagrovelover]

Thanks Kathy, I needed that today very cute!

 

[kathydwells]

Thanks Kathy, I needed that today very cute!

Hey Girl, your welcome. Here is another one that might put a smile on your face.

Hypnotist "headaches"


A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to
stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a
headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It
worked! The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire
in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist
and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his
clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back A few minutes later and jumps
into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even
better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly
follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the
mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my
wife!"

His funeral services will be held on Monday.

 

[seagrovelover]

You are on a ROLL>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;-)

 

[skippertoo]

Loved that second one !

 

[Landlocked]

A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep,
so she goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon
around the dogs testicles and he will stop snoring.


A few hours after going to bed, the dog
is snoring as usual. Finally, she goes to the
closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it
around the dog's testicles and surely enough,
the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed.

Later that night, her husband returns
home drunk from being out with his buddies.
He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins
snoring very loudly. The woman thinks
maybe the ribbon will work on him too.

She goes to the closet once again,
grabs another piece of ribbon and ties it
around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him.
The woman sleeps very soundly.

The next morning, the husband wakes
up very hung over. He stumbles into the
bathroom to urinate. As he is standing
in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror
and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum.
He is very confused.

He walks back into the bedroom and sees
a red ribbon attached to his dog's scrotum.
He looks at the dog and says,
"Boy, I don't remember what the hell happened
last night, but wherever you and I were,
we got first and second place."

 

[skippertoo]

 

[kathydwells]

Funny LL.!!!!!

 

[Rita]

:funn:

 

[Miss Kitty]

"Tie a colored ribbon 'round that penis tree". Whatever happened to that tree from bsmart anyway?