Thursday Afternoon Funny - Alaska

[kathydwells]

John had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

John saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there is a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road... Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00..."

"Great," said John, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars was leaving, he stoped. "Gotta warn you... There's gonna be some drinkin' "

"Not a problem," says John. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of em."

Again, as he starts to leave, Lars stoped. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

John says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again."

Once again Lars turns from the door. "More'n likely be some wild sex, too."

"Now that's really not a problem," said John, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

Lars stoped in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."

 

[Landlocked]

Gross!

 

[Landlocked]

At a crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.
"Thank God," he cried out in relief. "I'm saved!"

The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock after seeing the pile of human bones beside the lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror on their faces and hung his own head in shame.

"You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"

The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

 

[CJ]

I'm sure John was still in after 6 months.

 

[kathydwells]

NOW THAT IS FUNNY LL....:rofl:

 

[ktschris]

LORD, THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.
She married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died.
But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they're finally together."
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."

 

[DD]

The husband lay dying in his bed and decided he should confess to his grieving wife all his transgressions.
"Honey", he said..
"Just rest", she said, weeping.
"Honey, I slept with your sister, your mother, your best friend, your best friend's best friend, your cousin and your aunt."
"Don't worry, you just rest", she said, sobbing.
"But, honey", he said.
"Shhhhh", she said, "let the poison work."

 

[ktschris]