Tuesday Funny

[kathydwells]

A farmer is sitting on the front porch of his house one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

Hey kid! the farmer says, where ya goin' with that wire? Well, the kid drawls, this here ain't just any ol' wire, this here's chicken wire. I'm fixin' to catch me some chickens!

You can't catch chickens with chicken wire says the farmer. Sure I can the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and sure enough, he's got a whole mess of chickens caught in his chicken wire.

Well, the farmer's sitting on his porch the next day, and the same kid comes walking down the lane, carrying a big roll of tape. Hey kid! the farmer yells, where ya goin' with that tape? Well, this here ain't just any ol' tape, says the kid, this here's duck tape. I'm fixin' to catch me some ducks! You can't catch ducks with duck tape!? says the farmer. Sure I can! the kid says, and takes off down the road. He comes back at the end of the day and again, the farmer can't believe his eyes. The kid has a whole bunch of ducks all wrapped up
tightly in his tape.

The next day the farmer's sitting on his porch again, and the kid comes walking down the road carrying a stick. Hey kid! the farmer says, where ya goin' with that stick? Well, this here ain't just any old stick, says the kid, this here's p***y willow. Hang on, says the farmer, I'll get my hat!

 

[kathydwells]

I'm Flying to New York


A beautiful young blonde boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats.

Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again the blonde replies "I'm young, blonde and beautiful and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot.

The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.

The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman.

He replies "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."

 

[Landlocked]

 

[Mermaid]

Those are good ones! Keep 'em coming. :clap_1:

 

[Miss Kitty]

Darlene's Doozies!!!

I have one for Kimmifunn...

A girl from Alabama takes her seat on a plane headed for NYC next to another girl, who is flying back home. Being the darling, sweet thing she is, Alabama asks her seat mates..."where y'all from?" The girl responds..."I don't answer people who end sentences with prepositions!" Alabama pauses for a moment a little perplexed and says..."Where y'all from bit*h?"

That is my first attempt at a joke. Please be kind.

 

[seagrovelover]

love them all !! :clap_1:

 

[kathydwells]

Darlene's Doozies!!!

I have one for Kimmifunn...

A girl from Alabama takes her seat on a plane headed for NYC next to another girl, who is flying back home. Being the darling, sweet thing she is, Alabama asks her seat mates..."where y'all from?" The girl responds..."I don't answer people who end sentences with prepositions!" Alabama pauses for a moment a little perplexed and says..."Where y'all from bit*h?"

That is my first attempt at a joke. Please be kind.

And what a great one it is Miss Kitty...I have heard it before, but I laughed harder at your first attemp, then I did the first time I heard it...I don't like....I love it!!! :clap_1:

 

[Miss Kitty]

And what a great one it is Miss Kitty...I have heard it before, but I laughed harder at your first attemp, then I did the first time I heard it...I don't like....I love it!!! :clap_1:

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! And, I did it from memory!!!!

 

[Gypsea]

Good ones Darlene!!!!

 

[Miss Kitty]

Good ones Darlene!!!!

Hmmmm?