Passive-Aggressive

[Lynnie]

A friend of mine was angrily called 'passive-aggressive' by the same girl who dropped the f-bomb on me few months ago. You should have seen the look on his face when he was telling me this story. His response to her was classic, "I don't even know what that is, but it sounds like you are telling me I am psychotic! Is that the situation here?"

And, a banter evidently carried on. I was lmao when he was sharing this with me; they are beginning to see that f-bomb chic might have some issues with aggression and perhaps projection. Anyway, I read a little on passive-aggressive disorder and learned it's a negative behviour marked by obstinance.....almost a deliberate effort to not coalese (with regard to work) and simply get along.

How does one deal with/work with a personality like this?

 

[DD]

"Bless her heart".

 

[Lynnie]

"Bless her heart".

Yes, do that, literally. I have heard her days are numbered. It seems they just need to assimilate to a more effective way of communicating, but that obstinance is like a brick wall.

I don't think I've ever experienced someone in my life quite like this before and it has taught me even more patience......UGH. Oh, but the Clarity! ;-)

 

[sunspotbaby]

I worked with someone that i thought was p/a. She was very nice, but wouldn't share things pertinent to the job. So if she was out sick (which was rare), then no one else knew how to do what she did. She liked being the "go to" person. So what did i do? i let her be the 'go to' person. If she really wanted to be the "all knowing" then i let her be that. I'd ask her stuff that i already knew, but just the fact that she thought i had to ask her, made her day. She was just easier to get along with when she thought she was the boss. And just in case any of my former co-workers here in Florida are reading this wondering if i'm referring to them....I'm not. This job was years ago in Texas.

 

[DD]

I worked with someone that i thought was p/a. She was very nice, but wouldn't share things pertinent to the job. So if she was out sick (which was rare), then no one else knew how to do what she did. She liked being the "go to" person. So what did i do? i let her be the 'go to' person. If she really wanted to be the "all knowing" then i let her be that. I'd ask her stuff that i already knew, but just the fact that she thought i had to ask her, made her day. She was just easier to get along with when she thought she was the boss. And just in case any of my former co-workers here in Florida are reading this wondering if i'm referring to them....I'm not. This job was years ago in Texas.

ssb, i've been working on this and I think I've got it under control now.

 

[KISH7374]

When dealing with this person, smile alot and carry a big stick.

 

[Lynnie]

When dealing with this person, smile alot and carry a big stick.

I do and it drives her absolutely battey! Kinda' sad, kinda' comical.

 

[Alicia Leonard]

More people act in a passive aggressive manner than they realize. It can be as simple as making a snide remark and ending it with a happy phrase, such as "have a nice day" or someone who does not cope well with expressing frustration. Then, there are those people who just like to mess with other people. Usually, a passive aggressive personality has a few other issues going on. Guilting a person is a hallmark of PA, while at the same time, they will demean themselves in the conversation. Interesting behavior.

 

[Mermaid]

More people act in a passive aggressive manner than they realize. It can be as simple as making a snide remark and ending it with a happy phrase, such as "have a nice day" or someone who does not cope well with expressing frustration. Then, there are those people who just like to mess with other people. Usually, a passive aggressive personality has a few other issues going on. Guilting a person is a hallmark of PA, while at the same time, they will demean themselves in the conversation. Interesting behavior.

Yes, it's interesting until you find yourself on the receiving end of it. The internet seems to capture a lot of those types of people and they're even worse when they know that there's slim (if any) chance of meeting those they snark at in person! The relative safety of cyber-space makes them braver than they'd ever be in other situations. I think it's such a sad personality trait.

 

[Lynnie]

My guess is that we're all probably guilty of what aleonard describes with the "Have a nice day." I know I have said that to people out of frustration and just wanting the end the conversation that was going in circles. BUT, a true P/A person does have deeper issues. This person I have encountered has comical issues (acting like a sixth grader and recently like a four year old). When she believes she is 'back on top,' her attitude takes an amazing turn for the better, but we clearly see that it is superficial. Recently, we noticed her speaking louder than her normal tone about her personal achievements.

I feel badly for her.

Mermy, you're right. I've seen posters (not just sowal) be unbelievably rude. I think, "Surely this person isn't this rude in person." But, you never know.....there is an element to hiding behind the internet or an email. Maybe for some it is a way to release frustrations and I am glad they have this outlet instead of kicking the dog.