I'm gonna start scanning stories from our local newspaper. The funniest one was recently:
Man Too Drunk To Seek Medical Help
Police responded to a 911 call this morning. [first name] [ last name], age 45, of [street address] said he had been shot last night. Police asked him why he didn't call 911 last night. He said that he was too drunk to call. He was taken to the hospital for treatment.
Oh, yet another one:
Man Calls Himself Stupid
Police responded to a 911 call last night. [first name] [ last name], age 31, of [street address] had driven his vehicle off an embankment. Police asked him why he did that. He said that he guessed he was just stupid. The man was charged with DUI.