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College Kid Grades Make Me Steam!

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BR...tell your friends...It's never too late! You can stop enabling your kids. College is not for everyone right out of HS...it's just what we are programmed to do. The British have a good idea...the "gap" year between HS and college. I think Americans are too afraid to try this concept, even though so many kids really need another year to grow up before taking college seriously.

BR...I can certainly understand your frustration as a professor. I will have MS read your post.
 
I know that I myself would definitely have benefited from the gap year.
OTOH, as I said before, our older son messed around all through high school, but gladly rose to the occasion once he got out of the house and into college.

I don't necessarily think that living like a slob contributes to (or is an aspect of) being a successful student. It is all a matter of how seriously a kid takes studies. I do agree that many young people take way too much for granted.
Our generation presents education as a commodity, and a means to an end, rather than a privilege.

[I did once clean dorm rooms, it was my first ever summer job, and the girls' rooms were ten times worse than the boys.']

All parents can do is model the correct example, and nag nag nag. If that doesn't work, then they just have to let the consequences take place.
And nag some more until something sinks in.
 
Good points, Cil and SS.

I'm trying to be better and have clamped down a bit. I took away all but one credit card this fall. My daughter announced in November that she wanted a BMW 325i for Christmas. I told her she was out of her mind! She said she didn't want anything if she couldn't get that. There wasn't much under the tree today.
 
Mermaid: I'm a college dean at a very selective liberal arts college--I can't add too much beyond the advice already posted here, but I can add the following, based on my experience:
--Alex will undoubtedly be put on academic warning--but almost every school I know cuts a little slack for first term,first year students. General Chem is a hard course--reliant on good math skills and study skills from hs. The fact that he also failed a comp sci course suggests to me that his math background is not what he thought it would be to support these subjects. A rejiggering of next term's courses is obviously in order. Moreover, like others noted,his study skills are obviously in need of help. I also wonder about his living situation--and "the company he keeps"....

The unfortunate thing about doing really poorly first term is that these grades give a GPA that is difficult to lift up and it'll take a number of terms. But we have many kids at my college who do get back on their feet and do better. As for the "five year plan" large state schools are underfunded, and classes get capped, and kids get shut out of esp popular major courses (psych is particular problem in many places). If a major is "hierarchical" (ie one course is a prerequisite for the next) this leads to real problems. For both this reason, and for Alex's academic issues--I do hope he's found a good academic advisor (either faculty member or whoever does first-year advising at his school). Most schools also have a "writing center" and like us, many have a "calculus help center" and also the "econ crisis center"--in other words, many difficult majors have some sort of tutoring help--

As for you and Merman--swallow hard, have a large glass of wine, and stay calm--he'll be ok, and this is not the end of the world. Some kids sail away effortlessly their first year, and others hit bumps--and even the brightest kids can run into unforseen problems (I have a very prestigeous Premed program that reports to me--these kids have to have platinum-style credentials to get in, as they are also admitted to med school automatically after four years at my college. But even these kids can crash and burn (I had several do so this term--it was very painful for me and for them--but I know from experience they'll reoover and do ok, even if they're not in the program.)

Merry Christmas--
 
when i was in college, a healthy dose of fear kept me from flunking. i knew if i messed up after all the money mom and pop were paying for school, they would kill me. slowly and painfully. fear works every time !
 
Mermaid:

I don't have any college kids, so I have no experience to share as a mom of college kids (will be someday, though, and I'll remember this thread and turn to you for advice if I need it!). However, I teach MBAs and my research is on "what predicts success" in life and work. I leave the definition of success to the individual (whether it's climbing the ladder or having lots of time to be at the beach or both) since success means different things for different people. The only thing I would add to a general definition of success is that one should be making some kind of contribution to the world as well -- it can't be only self-focused.

Also, though my kids aren't in college, I went to college and must admit I wasn't a stellar student. I didn't complete my undergrad degree until I was 28. But I did find a topic I loved at age 26 and decided then and there that that was what I would want to do for the rest of my life and that I would go to grad school. So, have heart. Some of us are slow starters and our brains don't kick into full gear until we find what we truly enjoy -- what really engages us. And we end up the lucky ones because we spend our lives doing what we truly enjoy rather than for the grades. So, your son would want to be noticing what really engages him at college. Also, I think that for people who can disengage from classwork that it's harder to do good work if the teaching isn't very good -- and sometimes that's the case.

That said, I believe college students have the responsibility to do their best work. So, I agree with the other advice people have said on this thread -- he needs to pay attention to his study habits, pay attention in class (I had a hard time with that one if the course was dull to me -- and in fact it really may have been dull), hand in assignments on time (that were done to the best of his ability), connect with students who do good work and ask them what their habits are, be respectful to faculty and find something to be engaged in in class. I also recommend to students who are struggling that they identify the best teachers (sometimes ratings are posted somewhere) -- people who love what they do and who enjoy students -- and take courses from them if possible.

As for what predicts success (I'm sure I like studying this because I was such a slow starter!), this is what I've learned from research so far:

IQ predicts at most about 25% of success. Assuming someone is in the normal range of intelligence somewhere, IQ predicts about 9% on average. (this isn't my research - it's the research of Robert Sternberg and it is debatable of course).

The characteristics that predict success (less debatable) are:

Conscientiousness: Hard work, dependable, organized, planful

Proactivity: Wanting to fix things that are a problem (So if your son turns around and does better work next semester, he may well be proactive. Students who easily get good grades with little effort may not develop the skills at proactivity. So this experience could turn out to be a very good one for your son if he turns his grades around. He'll know how to "fix" problems rather than "quit" when the going gets tough.)

Believing in fluid rather than fixed intelligence: Believing that intelligence is influenced by the environment one is in. People who believe in fixed intelligence tend to quit too easily when they hit a bump in the road. People who believe intelligence is fluid tend to figure out how to do better next time when they hit a bump. (So your son wants to find environments in which he can do his best or adapt environments so that he can do his best -- e.g., adjust study habits, hang out with people who bring out the best in him, identify good professors, etc.)

Learning orientation: Approaching projects with the intent to learn, not to show that you're better than someone else or to avoid failure (both result in taking on projects that are too easy for you). (So your son wants to see the first semester as a learning experience and figure out what he learned from it that will help him do better next time.)

Creativity

Practical intelligence: Figuring out how to use what you know in a practical way that matters to others

Emotional intelligence: This refers to emotional stability (appropriate emotional reactions to the situation), self-awareness, and social skills

Positive emotions: Hope, resilience, optimism, forgiveness, gratitude (gratitude is a big one in terms of having a good life -- if you're not grateful to others and for what you have, it's hard to feel successful -- and that feeling of gratitude comes from within, not from the external environment). (In your son's case, it sounds like resilience will be important and turning the situation into something that is positive in the long-term -- "I really got a chance to see what happens when I don't try hard enough" or "I really learned I need to develp good study habits.")

I'm sure this is too much information, but I hope some of it is helpful. Frankly, I'll take a student who has learned some hard lessons than a student who gets easy "A"s anytime as a student or future employee anyday. They probably learned more life lessons from their experience and have some very interesting stories to tell!
 
Greta stuff Paula. I find a lot of it true and had not heard about fluid/fixed intelligence. This info helps me with my college child as well. Now, how to I tell people she wants to be a theatre major when they ask? I do not find it the most useful degree and can only hope she changes. She really loves all aspects which is important to enjoy your work, but does need to be able to provide for herself. The days of parent suppport will come to an end.
 
Perhaps you can ask her to support herself during the summer breaks. (She's not too young, it wouldn't be cruel. I did this. It's an eye-opener.) She'll likely end up waiting tables or working in a coffee bar, like a lot of artists, but maybe she'll get sick of it and get through that phase faster if she does it while in college. And it just might give her the impetus to minor in something with more of a marketable skill, such as computer graphics.
 
katie blue said:
Perhaps you can ask her to support herself during the summer breaks. (She's not too young, it wouldn't be cruel. I did this. It's an eye-opener.) She'll likely end up waiting tables or working in a coffee bar, like a lot of artists, but maybe she'll get sick of it and get through that phase faster if she does it while in college. And it just might give her the impetus to minor in something with more of a marketable skill, such as computer graphics.
Great idea. Actually she is trying to get a job doing design at Pottery Barn - she met someone who seems to have enough influence to give her an "in" and has seen her portfolio.
 
Beach Runner said:
My daughter announced in November that she wanted a BMW 325i for Christmas. I told her she was out of her mind! She said she didn't want anything if she couldn't get that. There wasn't much under the tree today.
Being a parent, I know this would've been hard to to do, but I think I would've taken her at her word and given her a whole lot of nothing, then!
 
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