College Kid Grades Make Me Steam!

[Cil]

Just curious Cil..I have a nephew with the same major and was wondering what your son is doing with his degree.

Hah!
Going to graduate school!
Actually, this year he is doing the English teaching thing near Toulouse. He worked hard last year and this is his little break.
He has another job for the summer, then he will enter grad school at Madison, Wisconsin. This is the program his college advisor recommends for anyone with his major; it is very career-oriented. It costs $14K so he will be trying to get a grant/student loan.
He would like to end up with some type of government/diplomacy job, I think.
Franny, maybe your nephew is aware of this program? I have the info for it but it is all packed away.

 

[newyorker]

Paula et al:
probably this thread has wound down (and some of you are in SOWAL--which I envy beyond measure!!! college boy and hs senior would not budge this week--and its darn cold here in upstate NY!)
But to add a final thought--this thread has touched on lots of issues related to helping our kids succeed--and I'm lucky to have a perspective at a campus where many of you might consider sending your kids (we actually get a number of kids from the south--including lots of kids from Florida). But the issue of privilege and its relationship to success in college is a delicate issue--and my college (which costs nearly $45K/yr) gets lots of kids whose families are more than comfortable. Many of these kids do very well--and they're interesting, bright, and they will assume leadership positions. But their parents have taught them to work hard, and not assume they're owed something; partying is an issue at my school and many others--teach your kids about alcohol before they come to college ( I was amazed to learn that some parents of first year students buy their kids a case of booze as they begin freshmen orientation! lest I sound pompous, my own college son has acquired expensive liquor tastes--but he has a campus job to pay for the Grey Goose and the Johnny Walker and he's a dean's list student, so he's learned to party and study)
The main thing is to encourage self-sufficiently by the time they start college. (teach your kids to do laundry, for example--amazing numbers of kids have never done their own!)
But what I've read in this thread is really heartening--and even if your kids stumble early on--that's part of learning to be an adult.

Happy New year to all of you--and thanks for the interesting threads. I' find this bulletin board addicting!

 

[Paula]

I am indeed lucky enough to be in SoWal with my family this week. Very nice weather and relaxing here.

For perspective on giving kids too much stuff, here's a sweet story about what's really important. When my mom died a few years ago, my nephew had the opportunity to go through her house (she was his grandmother) and take things that were important to him. You know what he took? A stained old brown plastic bowl that my mom had served him chicken soup in at the kitchen table for 18 years. That's the first thing he went for and the thing that meant the most to him. Now that's a young man with perspective. He just finished his first semester of college and is very happy -- found a college that matches his needs and style and is working hard. Good guy.

 

[Miss Kitty]

I missed all of this wisdom while at sea. It is so refreshing to hear this group speak from the heart, from experience and professionally on a topic that is so relevant today. Thanks for all your input.

 

[Rita]

I'm just catching up. What a great thread! Thanks.
I think this is one to print, let others read, and save for future reference.

 

[TooFarTampa]

These things are all easier said than done of course. I went light on the Christmas presents this year, at least compared to other parents I know. I was starting to feel guilty, like I was depriving them. Which is ridiculous, but when the boy around the corner gets one of those battery powered motorcycles to ride around the neighborhood, and my kid gets a Transformer and a little remote control airplane, I start to wonder whether I've done the right thing, and how long I'll be able to keep it up.

You did and are doing the right thing. Stuff is not as important as time spent with children and the values you give them. I live in a small town where "things" are a big deal. My husband and I do not buy into that concept, so our girls did not get a new car when they turned 16, expensive clothes, etc. However they both agree that they appreciate us not allowing them to be spoiled children. At college they were/are surrounded by very wealthy, priviledged students and did not seem to care about the differences. The youngest lives with a girl that has a personal shopper and won't wear clothes form Gap or Old Navy because they are too basic. My child shops at thrift stores and loves sales racks. She thinks her roommates obsession with status is too fuuny.

Both children were/are both very loved and adored, but not with stuff. Stick to your ideas and it will turn out good.

iwiwt -- thanks for your perspective. You have done your girls an enormous favor, IMO.

 

[Mermaid]

WOW. That's all I can say. It's so good to know that my dilemma with my obviously bright-obviously underacheiving son has struck a common chord. Lots of heartfelt advice given here as well as at the beach while we were there.

Since you all know how Alex has done this semester, you can be sure I'll update you at the close of this year's semester. Hopefully I will be crowing not cowering.

BTW, the kid's going to be staying at his college for the entire freshman year. He wanted to quit but we told him we expected him to finish out what he started. Next year he will be somewhere different, and we're supportive of that--but first he has to put in the effort and make the grades that will allow the transfer. I'm counting on him to show a little gumption and go for it. We'll see. (And you know we'll be cheering him all the way. )