Jdarg
SoWal Expert
A bit long, but if y'all get an extra few minutes, this is cute.
I saw this several years ago when it had a different date and there were a few more letters in the exchange, but it is still pretty good.
************************************************************************
******
>
>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan
>Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's
response
>is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the
response
>letter.
>
>(State's letter) SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
>Montcalm County
>
>Dear Mr. DeVries:
>It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
>that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced
>parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
and/or
>contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
>Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
>stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this
>type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no
permits
>have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this
>activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public
>Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
>Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
>The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
>failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
>downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
>hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to
>cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream
>to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
dams
>from the stream channel.
>
>All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.
>
>Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
>that a
>follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply
>with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
>result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter.
>
>Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
>questions. Sincerely,
>
>David L. Price
>District Representative, Land and Water Management Division
>
>
>This is the actual response sent back:
>
>
>Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
>Dear Mr. Price,
>
>Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond
>in
>regarding to the above mentioned file. I am the legal landowner but not
the
>Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.
>
>A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
>constructing
>and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
>Spring Pond. While! I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their
dam
>project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
skillful
>use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge
your
>department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
>place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you
could
>ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
>ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam
>work ethic.
>
>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
>first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
>activity.
>
>My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
>against
>my Spring Pond Beavers... or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
this
>State to conform to said dam request?
>
>If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
>The
>Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other
>applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see if
>there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,
of
>the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
>Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan
>Co implied Laws, annotated.
>
>I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers
>entitled
>to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute
>and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have
to
>provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either
>one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing
flooding
>is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
>required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
>Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
>
>If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
>contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously
>did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to
read
>English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
>build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
>green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do
to
>live and enjoy Spring Pond.
>
>If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
>lives
>up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and
the
>environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are
concerned,
>this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action
right
>now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
dam
>ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to harass
them
>then.
>
>In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
>environmental
>quality! (health ) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are
actually
>defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the
>defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
>investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
>where they dump!)
>
>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
>contact
>you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your
dam
>office.
>
>Thank You,
>
>Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
>
>
>
I saw this several years ago when it had a different date and there were a few more letters in the exchange, but it is still pretty good.
************************************************************************
******
>
>This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
>Michigan
>Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's
response
>is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the
response
>letter.
>
>(State's letter) SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
>Montcalm County
>
>Dear Mr. DeVries:
>It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
>that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced
>parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
and/or
>contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
>
>Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
>stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this
>type of activity. A review of the Department's files show that no
permits
>have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this
>activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the
>Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public
>Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
>Compiled Laws, annotated.
>
>The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
>failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
>downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
>hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you
to
>cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream
>to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the
dams
>from the stream channel.
>
>All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.
>
>Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
>that a
>follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply
>with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
>result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.
>We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this
matter.
>
>Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
>questions. Sincerely,
>
>David L. Price
>District Representative, Land and Water Management Division
>
>
>This is the actual response sent back:
>
>
>Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.
>
>Dear Mr. Price,
>
>Your certified letter dated 12/17/04 has been handed to me to respond
>in
>regarding to the above mentioned file. I am the legal landowner but not
the
>Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.
>
>A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
>constructing
>and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my
>Spring Pond. While! I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their
dam
>project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their
skillful
>use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge
your
>department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
>place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you
could
>ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
>ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam
>work ethic.
>
>As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
>first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
>activity.
>
>My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
>against
>my Spring Pond Beavers... or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
this
>State to conform to said dam request?
>
>If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
>The
>Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those
other
>applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see if
>there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,
of
>the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
>Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan
>Co implied Laws, annotated.
>
>I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers
>entitled
>to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute
>and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State will have
to
>provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either
>one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing
flooding
>is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is
>required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
>Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
>
>If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please
>contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously
>did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being unable to
read
>English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
>build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
>green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do
to
>live and enjoy Spring Pond.
>
>If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection
>lives
>up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and
the
>environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are
concerned,
>this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action
right
>now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the
dam
>ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to harass
them
>then.
>
>In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
>environmental
>quality! (health ) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are
actually
>defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting
the
>defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
>investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
>where they dump!)
>
>Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
>contact
>you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your
dam
>office.
>
>Thank You,
>
>Ryan DeVries & The Dam Beavers
>
>
>
