I'm a northerner...but what would you do?

[whitesands]

You all seem to be so sweet...so what would you do?

Our son is an "only". He's going to be 35 this summer. We've hosted an annual BBQ/Pool party for years. Guilt driven, probably, I've come to realize...so our son would know his cousins and keep in touch with them...it seems to be getting harder and harder to get a response from the invitees. What's going on with today's young(er) people? This year, we're planning a magician for the grandbabies/younger children...magic/face painting/tatoos/balloons...we also have to have a couple of portable sinks/flushable toilets and a caterer. I've asked for responses this year for several weeks now...is it just that I'm getting older/intolerant...or are people really just busier today? What do you all think?

 

[Beach Crazy]

You all seem to be so sweet...so what would you do?

Our son is an "only". He's going to be 35 this summer. We've hosted an annual BBQ/Pool party for years. Guilt driven, probably, I've come to realize...so our son would know his cousins and keep in touch with them...it seems to be getting harder and harder to get a response from the invitees. What's going on with today's young(er) people? This year, we're planning a magician for the grandbabies/younger children...magic/face painting/tatoos/balloons...we also have to have a couple of portable sinks/flushable toilets and a caterer. I've asked for responses this year for several weeks now...is it just that I'm getting older/intolerant...or are people really just busier today? What do you all think?

I think young people today just have a different frame of mind about everything. Maybe you should try calling and talking to them, maybe mentioning that you need a head count for the caterer, etc...

 

[audie]

i think busier for one thing, and speaking for myself (as a northerner) i prefer to be left alone esp. on birthdays etc. i find it extremely stressful to be expected to socialize with people i don't know and don't really care to know. like i tell my mom - if i want to talk to them i will call them. but then again i am only close to my parents and sis. i don't mean to be snobbish, i just know how i want to spend my time.

 

[seagrovelover]

Whitesands ....it seems like people just hate to R.S.V.P these days, I agree with you, it makes it very difficult to plan a party

 

[Allifunn]

It sounds like you have planned a fun party...I can't imagine why the adults won't give you an RSVP...bad manners, at least some response is being considerate! You may have to make a few calls...just so you know how many to expect.

 

[Miss Kitty]

Mr. K and I hosted a dinner party on Thursday night. One woman decided she would come the DAY of the party. It screwed up the seating at one of the tables. I seated her at the worse spot at the table...facing the entrance to the kitchen. I think the people that don't care to respond have probably not entertained much and don't know about final counts, etc.

 

[whitesands]

It's really quite frustrating...we've been doing this for over twenty years. It's an annual event and everyone knows everyone. My husband's side of the family. New babies for the last several years. It's nice to see everyone together. I e-mailed in March to advise everyone of the date in August so they could either work around it or let me know they'll be away. As a rule, we have virtually 100% attendance. Didn't hear back from anyone, except our son.

I e-mailed again a week ago advising of the need for a head count. We are being charged per person, based on the number we say will attend (kinda like a wedding, really). Heard back from three parties that they'll attend.

I can see that I'll have to pick up the phone and ask/beg politely. The funny thing to me is that everyone seems to really have had a good time in past years.

Ms. Kitty, I think I'll take your advice and if someone shows up who didn't respond, I'll seat them near the portable toilet trailer along with their empty plate...lolol Oh, I can see this is really bothering me. As my husband says to me when I complain to him about this, "just be the gracious Aunt that you are..."

 

[Mermaid]

Whitesands, two things. First, this is a really common and annoying problem with parties, so it's not anything you've done. People are awful these days about replying in a timely manner!! (That and dressing up for parties; everyone seems to think 'anything goes' when it comes to gatherings, grrr grr grrr.)

Second, maybe your family and relatives think that since you've been giving the party for so many years, and they've been going for so many years, you'll automatically know they're planning on being there as usual...hence the nonchalance about RSVPing???

I'd send around e-mails and make phone calls; it's easier to do than pay the caterer for food that goes uneaten! Then I'd send a letter to Miss Manners--she'll agree with your distress 100%, that's for sure.

 

[Unplugged]

It's really quite frustrating...we've been doing this for over twenty years. It's an annual event and everyone knows everyone. My husband's side of the family. New babies for the last several years. It's nice to see everyone together. I e-mailed in March to advise everyone of the date in August so they could either work around it or let me know they'll be away. As a rule, we have virtually 100% attendance. Didn't hear back from anyone, except our son.

I e-mailed again a week ago advising of the need for a head count. We are being charged per person, based on the number we say will attend (kinda like a wedding, really). Heard back from three parties that they'll attend.

I can see that I'll have to pick up the phone and ask/beg politely. The funny thing to me is that everyone seems to really have had a good time in past years.

Ms. Kitty, I think I'll take your advice and if someone shows up who didn't respond, I'll seat them near the portable toilet trailer along with their empty plate...lolol Oh, I can see this is really bothering me. As my husband says to me when I complain to him about this, "just be the gracious Aunt that you are..."

Whitesands - it sounds to me like your son is the only one who really appreciates the effort you put forth to pull this off year after year. I say practice some tough love and skip the whole event this year! 100% attendance in past years tells me they will sorely miss it if you decide to take a break from tradition. Perhaps next year they will be more thoughtful and RSVP in a timely manner. If not, then maybe it's time to start a new tradition with a smaller group. You go to great lengths to keep the family close - it's time they stopped taking you for granted.

 

[whitesands]

Thank you Mermaid. I think you're right and I know Miss Manners would agree. Times are a changin' and we've got to go with them. We're the Uncle and Aunt who always have the summer family BBQ...they do seem to enjoy it, and yes, I think they probably take it for granted. And I know what you mean...why don't people like to dress any more? I recently drove in to meet a friend for lunch at her golf club. She's an artist and devotes a lot of her time to her hobby. I dressed for lunch at the club and when I got to her place, she had on an old nubby sweater, denim slacks and grotty old birks...and this is how she went to lunch! She's old enough to know better too. What's up with that?

Unplugged. Great idea...I wish I could just forego it this year. But I'll be picking up the phone in the next few days nevertheless. I think I was just feeling a little unappreciated. Family...gotta love em, can't kill em I am also wondering too, if my son is now coming because he thinks [B]we[/B] want the party and he doesn't want to disappoint us?! They do have a distance to come...LOLOL...the way things work, I wouldn't be at all surprised! :funn: I must say too, I do enjoy seeing my grandbabies any chance I can get...

Thanks all. I feel better much better now