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Tuesday 2:15 (EST) Funny!
- Thread starter Kimmifunn
- Start date
A recently engaged couple are visiting the man's parents in Mexico City. This is the first time the woman is meeting her fiance's family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the re-fried beans. The gas pains are almost making
her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and
lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the
poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her fiance's father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Paco!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her
face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
rrriiip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Darn it Paco!" Once
again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she
didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle
blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and
yelled, "Darn it Paco, get away from her, before she sh*** on you!"
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the re-fried beans. The gas pains are almost making
her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and
lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the
poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her fiance's father
looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair,
and said in a rather stern voice, "Paco!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her
face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
rrriiip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Darn it Paco!" Once
again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she
didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle
blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and
yelled, "Darn it Paco, get away from her, before she sh*** on you!"
Landlocked
Beach Fanatic
Kimmifunn said:
:clap_1:
RiverOtter
got any pics?
Good one :clap_1:
seagrovelover
little sugar
Tootsie said:
excuse me kurt but where is the little farting smilie?
kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Single? Married?
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted" Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
A young son asked, "Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man, to love and to forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death.
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea. Let's pretend we are married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket." 
In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea. Let's pretend we are married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies. "Get your own damn blanket."
kathydwells
Darlene is my middle name, not my nickname
Warning Labels
Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted Health Canada's suggestion that warning labels be placed on all varieties of alcohol containers.
Maybe we need to do the same here in the USA. So here are some possible warnings....
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.
Canadian liquor manufacturers have accepted Health Canada's suggestion that warning labels be placed on all varieties of alcohol containers.
Maybe we need to do the same here in the USA. So here are some possible warnings....
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.