Tuesday 2:15 (EST) Funny!

[Gypsea]

THE HORMONE WARNING:



The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of every husband or boyfriend.



DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?

SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?

SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?

SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.

SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?

SAFER: Could we be overreacting?

SAFEST: Here's my pay packet.

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?

SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.

SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate



DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?

SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.

SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!

ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.



13 Things PMS Stands For

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4. Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweatpants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

12. Pack My Stuff

And my favourite one...

13. Potential Murder Suspect



Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a
laugh! Or men who need a warning!!! X

 

[kathydwells]

And I can relate to each one of these. GYPSEA !!!!

 

[Gypsea]

And I can relate to each one of these. GYPSEA !!!!

Thanks kathydwells. Just a little friendly warning for our guys.

 

[ktschris]

Gypsea...those were very funny and very true!!!

 

[Miss Kitty]

You go gypsea....that's FUNNY!

 

[Jdarg]

Some of these are old, but still pretty durn funny....

And a bit of trivia (since he is mentioned in the following)- Winston Bennett's daughter, "Princess" ( I swear- her real name) used to regularly bite my son at daycare. Nothing was ever really said because he was a "basketball star" grrrrrr... but he got his!!!


> Brain Cramps
>
>
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
>
> Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
> because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
> but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
>
> --Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
>
> ``````````````````````````````````
> "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the
> world,
> I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with
> all those flies and death and stuff."
> --Mariah Carey
>
> ````````````
> "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
> your life,"
> --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal
> antismoking campaign.
> `````````````````````````````````````````````````
> "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
> --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
> `````````````````````````````````````````````
>
> "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
> in
> the country,"
> --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
> `````````````````````````````
>
> "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We
> are
> the president."
> --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
> ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
>
> "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
> and
> I'm just the one to do it,"
> --A democratic congressional candidate in Texas.
> ````````````````````````````
>
> "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
> --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
> ``````````````````````````````````
>
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the
> impurities in
> our air and water that are doing it."
> --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH)
> ```````````````````
> "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
> --Dan Quayle
> ``````````
>
> "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
> --Lee Iacocca ```````````
> "The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
> Norman Einstein."
> --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
> people."
> --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
> `````````````````````````````````
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
> --Bill! Clinton, President
> ``````````````````
> "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
> --Al Gore, VP (man he's smart)
> ````````````````
> "Traditionally, most of Australia's import s come from overseas."
> --Keppel Enderbery
> ``````````````````````
> "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
> notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there
> is a change in your circumstances." Department of Social Services,
> Greenville, South Carolina
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
> go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
> next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
> --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
>
> ````````````````````````
>
>
> ....................................Feeling smarter yet?
>

 

[ktschris]

Those are great!!! Real life IS funny.
We have a famous baseball announcer here in St. Louis named Mike Shannon. You either love him or hate him. He is famous for saying some really dumb stuff. Makes listening to the ballgame on the radio worth it.

One of my favorites:
"I've heard it said that if you know English, Spanish, Italian, and I think it's French, you can go just about anywhere in this world...except for China where they have all those derelicts." (5/19/02)


Joe: "Mike, the Cardinals would like to welcome a group of 19 French foreign exchange students in section 382 today."
Mike: "Where they from Joe?"
Joe: "Uhhh... France... I think."


"The wind has switched 360 degrees"

 

[Rita]

Gypsea good ones!